Mind of Riku
by hurkydoesntknow
Summary: Riku whines, complains, and muses over stuff through stand up comedy. Guests include Sora, Kairi, Hurky, Ryo, Alexa, Donald, Goofy, Ansem, and more. INDEFINITE HIATUS
1. Pilot

**Hurky: I'm back in the new year with a new story! The first new story of 2006!**

**Readers: (applaud)**

**Hurky: And this story will be totally different because it will mostly take place on a stage and Riku will be on it throughout the entire story!**

**Riku fangirls: AIEEEEEEE! AHHHHHH! WOOOOOOOO! (one passes out and hits the floor)**

**Hurky: Yes, anyways, Riku will be onstage, doing stand-up comedy. I, along with other special guests, including Ansem**, **will make guest appearances! **

**Readers: (applaud)**

**Hurky: This story is based on one of my favorite shows, so I decided to throw in a little sketch comedy! And now, without further ado, here's the story!**

**Disclaimer: Hurky doesn't own Kingdom Hearts or any Disney characters, or Mind of Mencia. It's a great show, though! I also don't own Ryo or Alexa. Ryo and Alexa belong to their authoresses. She does own Hurky (herself).**

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Riku ran onstage with a screaming audience screaming their heads off.

"Thanks!" he said. The audience stopped going crazy. "Hey, everyone! Welcome to Mind of Riku!"

The audience cheered.

"As you all know, I have my own show." said Riku.

"No duh, Sherlock!" yelled a guy wearing a paper bag on his head.

"As I was saying!" said Riku. "I have a show now and what a great show it's gonna be! I've got some jokes, sketch comedy, and special guests coming! We've got Sora-"

The Sora fangirls went crazy with cheering, screaming, crying, holding homemade _We Love Sora _signs, and one passing out on the floor.

"-We have Kairi, Hurky, Alexa, Donald, Goofy, King Mickey, Ansem, my evil twin brother Rep, and a whole lot of other people!" continued Riku.

"You missed someone!" yelled a voice.

Everyone in the audience looked around to see where the voice came from, but Riku immediately knew who the voice belonged to and where it came from.

"Don't tell me..." moaned Riku as he slapped a hand on his forehead.

A spotlight came on and shone onto the balcony, where a blonde haired girl wearing jeans and a t-shirt saying, "Watch More Anime" stood. The audience applauded, since they all knew who she was.

"Ryo!" cried Riku. "I should have known!"

"Yup, your number one fangirl!" said Ryo gleefully. She jumped down from the balcony and joined Riku onstage. "And your new co-host!"

"Ryo, I will _not _have a co-host!" said Riku.

"You offered Sora to be your co-host." said Ryo with a pout and sitting on a chair on the stage. "Why not me?"

"That's because Sora and I are a team!" said Riku. "We're best friends!"

"Aren't we a team?" asked Ryo sadly.

"Well, kind of..." droned Riku as he thought. Then he got to his senses and joined reality. "Tell you what. How about you be a frequent guest?"

"REALLY?" squealed Ryo. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou!"

Then, she glomped Riku (a glomp is a tackle and a hug) and skipped offstage in happiness.

"Awwwww..." cooed the audience.

"Yeah. Cute." said Riku. "Now get off of me!"

Ryo let go of Riku and sat in an empty chair in the front of the audience.

"So we rang in the New Year just last night!" said Riku. "The people on TV say that 2006 will be better than 2005 was!"

"WOOOOO!" cheered the audience. Someone took out a bottle of champagne, shook it, uncorked it open, and sprayed champagne all over the place, and other people put on sunglasses that said 2006, pulled out noisemakers, and made lots of noise.

"I held a New Year's Eve party at my house." said Riku. "As soon as the clock stroke midnight and everyone yelled the whole Happy New Year thing, my two best friends kissed each other and I was kissed by my extreme fangirl. My other friends, Hurky and Alexa, just opened a bottle of apple cider and nearly drank the entire thing..."

"YEAH! CIDER!" yelled a guy from the audience.

"Was there alcohol in it?" asked another guy in the audience, really a cop looking for people to arrest.

"No, there wasn't, since most of us are under 21." said Riku. "Goofy had the alcoholic one, lol."

"Oh, okay." said the cop.

"After that, my friends and I set off the one thing I really love into the sky, which-" said Riku until he was cut off.

"Were you shooting guns into the sky?" asked the cop, now horrified at the thought of people shooting guns into the air.

"NO!" cried Riku. "We shot FIREWORKS! Yes, I love fireworks."

The audience applauded.

"Were they illegal?" asked the cop.

"What?" asked Riku. "Wait a minute, are you a cop?"

"What are you talking about?" asked the cop nervously as he scratched his head, but then abadge fell out.

"He is a cop!" yelled Riku. "Seize him!"

Two buff guys wearing yellow shirts saying _SECURITY _went to the guy, took him away, and kicked him out.

"And stay out!" said the bald security guard.

"Thanks, guys!" said Riku as he applauded. "Let's give it up for my security guards, Jack and Edward!"

The audience applauded.

"I don't really like cops because they keep giving me tickets for either speeding or driving where I'm not supposed to be driving." said Riku. "I will now do a segment of what I hate. You know what I hate?"

"What?" asked the audience.

"Egg jokes!" said Riku.

"YEAH!" said the audience.

"You know why?" asked Riku. "Because they're stupid! They make perfectly good words sound completely retarded! Like _egg_cellent, _egg_ceptional, and _egg_citing! You know what else I hate?"

"What?" asked the audience.

"Reality TV!" said Riku. "You know why? It's because ordinary people go on them to make a complete fool out of themselves for fifteen minutes of fame! And if they lose, they walk away with nothing and no dignity!"

Riku looked at his watch. "Whoops. Better go. I know my jokes weren't that funny today, but I'll do better next time! And we have Sora as a guest next chapter and a comedic sketch, good night everybody!" he said.

He walked off the stage and the audience applauded...

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**Hurky: Like Riku said, I know the first chapter isn't that great, but it will get better, so bear with me, guys. Have a Happy New Year!**


	2. The second episode

**Disclaimer: Hurky does not own the sketch she has Sora, Riku, and Kairi doing.**

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Riku ran onstage for the second episode of his show with the audience cheering their heads off once again.**

"Thank you!" said Riku. "And welcome to Mind of Riku, and man, do I have a show for you!"

"YEAHHHH!" cheered the audience.

"Alright, now." said Riku. "I have some very special guests coming today, and..."

"AHHH!" screamed a familiar voice.

Everyone turned around and saw Sora running through the audience from a girl with a sock on her hand. Sora ran onto the stage and hid behind Riku.

"Sora, what's go-?" asked Riku.

"Help me, Riku!" cried Sora. "I'm being chased by Kairi with a sock puppet!"

Kairi laughed and tossed the sock puppet aside

"Are you really that idiotic?" she asked. "It's just a sock."

"Kairi!" cried Riku. "You see how much you scared Sora? He's shaking!"

"No I'm not!" lied Sora. To tell you the truth, he really was shaking.

"Let's give it up for Sora and Kairi!" said Riku.

The audience went totally crazy. The Sora fangirls all screamed, shouted, held up _We Love Sora _signs. A few even passed out on the ground.

"Alright!" said Riku. "Once again, do we have a show for you today! We're going to do our first comedic sketch!"

The audience applauded.

"But first, let's have Kairi give her opinion on all of Sora's outfits, past, present, and future," said Riku.

The screen behind him that said "Mind of Riku" changed to the outfit Sora was currently wearing, which was the original KH1 outfit.

"So, Kairi!" said Riku. "What do you think of this outfit?"

Kairi sat in a cushy chair and put a hand on her chin. "Ummmm...ho hum!" she said.

"WHAT?" cried Sora. "This is one of my favorite outfits!"

"Uh, let's put on a better one, shall we?" asked Riku, before Sora killed Kairi. The picture changed to Sora as a merman.

"Woo!" said Kairi with a smile as she fanned herself. "Muy caliente!"

The Sora fangirls in the audience totally screamed and went crazy.

"AIEEEEEE!" they screamed.

"Hey, back off from my man!" snarled Kairi to the Sora fangirls. "He's mine!"

"Uh, okay..." said Riku. The screen changed to Sora in the Nightmare Before Christmas outfit. "Let's move on to the next one. How's this one?"

Kairi shrugged her shoulders. "I don't really know." she replied. "I'm thinking the Halloween-ish type."

"That's why it's a Halloween costume, DUH!" said Sora.

The screen changed to Sora in his black KH2 outfit. This surprised Kairi.

"OMG, that is such a nice outfit!" she said surprisingly. "Why aren't you wearing that right now?"

"Because it's too heavy with all that armor." said Sora. "And if I wore that during the summertime, it would be really hot."

"Like you when you're a merman!" yelled a fangirl from the audience.

"THAT'S IT!" cried Kairi angrily. She took Sora's keyblade and Riku's Soul Eater, got up, and chased the girl out of the studio.

"Hey, leave the chasing to my security guards, Kai!" said Riku.

Kairi ran to the stage,straightened up her hair,and sat back down in her chair with an angelic smile, as if she didn't get angry.

"Now this one's totally going to surprise everyone here because it's a never before seen one. Actually, it's what Sora would look like if he did crack!" said Riku. "Are you ready?"

"What, Sora with bloodshot eyes and his pajamas?" teased Kairi.

The screen changed from KH2 Sora to a really retarded looking Sora picture in his KH1 outfit. It was the one where he goes into Steamboat Willie. This made Kairi and the Sora fangirls scream. Most of the fangirls passed out on the ground.

"Great, now half my audience is on the ground, I hope you're happy." said Riku as he put his hands on his hips and stared at the floor of passed out Sora fangirls.

Sora got mad. "Riku, I would _not_ look like this if I started doing crack!" he cried.

"Have you ever even tried crack?" asked Riku.

"NO!" denied Sora. "I think drugs are stupid! Look, can we move onto something better?"

Riku sighed. "Fine." he said. "After the break, we're going ot do the sketch, so stick around!"

The music played and the show went to commercials. After break, the show came back on and the stage was transformed into a room with a bunch of tables and phones. Random people were on the phones, silently talking into them. Sora was one of them. Riku was dressed in a suit and Kairi was wearing a blouse and striped pants.

"Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen!" said Riku. "Welcome to the Destroy the Burrito Eating Owl telethon. We are trying to reach a billion munny by the end of the hour!"

Kairi nodded and grinned. "That's right!" she said in a peppy voice. "fter constantly being victimized by the Burrito Eating Owl, Riku wants to get rid of him and put an end to the burrito snatching! All pro-"

Sora's phone rang and he answered it. "Hello, Destroy the Burrito Eating Owl telethon?" he asked. "OH NO!"

Riku and Kairi turned around abruptly to Sora.

"Is something the matter?" asked Kairi.

"Uh, no!" lied Sora. "Everything's fine, heh heh."

"Good!" said Riku approvingly. He turned to the audience. "If you donate, you'll get a-"

Sora's phone rang again and he picked it up.

"OH NO!" yelled Sora into the phone. "OH NO, OH NO, OH NO!"

"We'll be right back after this break." said Riku.

"Aaaaaand cut!" said a guy in a baseball hat.

Riku stopped smiling and turned to Sora.

"Hey, what the hell are you-" said Riku until the floor manager went up to Riku.

"Uh, we're not off, yet!" he said. He made a cut motion with his hand. "Now we're cut!"

Riku grabbed Sora by the collar of his shirt and was about to screetch something to Sora when the floor manager once again came and said, "We're still not cut!"

"Well then freaking cut to commercials!" snapped Riku.

"Aaaaaaaannnnnndddddd now we're cut!" said the floor manager.

"Riku held Sora close to his face. "Now listen, if you keep saying 'OH NO,' you will be guaranteed that something will happen to you. Now, when that phone rings, DON'T pick it up, no matter who it is!" said Riku. Sora nodded. "Alrighty then!"

Riku let go of Sora's shirt collar and the floor manager came again.

"And we're back in three, two, one!" he said.

"Hi, and welcome back to my telethon!" said Riku cheerfully.

Sora's phone rang and at first, he didn't pick it up. So, he let it ring, and ring, and ring, and ring, and ring, and ring, and ring, and ring, and ring, and ring, and ring, and ring, and ring...

Riku was getting a little irritated with all that ringing. So finally, he mad and turned to Sora.

"WILL YOU PICK UP THAT FREAKING PHONE?" he cried angrily.

Sora frantically picked up the phone. "Hello?" he asked.

Riku looked at Sora with a look that said "I told you so."

"OH NO!" cried Sora.

"THAT'S IT!" said Riku. He unplugged Sora's phone, picked it up, and chased Sora with it. Kairi just stared at them and sighed...

Then, they went to commercials (in real life) and then came back on, and Riku stood on the stage by himself, wearing his normal clothes instead of a suit and was holding some letters in his hands.

"Hey!" said Riku. "Hope you all enjoyed that sketch!"

"YEAAAHHH!" cheered the audience.

"And now," said Riku. "I'm going to open some fan mail."

He shuffled through the letters until he took out one in a red and blue striped envelope.

"Here's one from Eddie J. from Traverse Town." said Riku. He held it up to read it. "It says, 'Dear Riku, Like you, I am in high school, but I'm a senior aiming for graduation. What bugs me is that the school puts up banners and signs saying that our school is drug and alcohol free, yet 70 percent of the school population has either been stoned or drunk, including freshmen and sophomores. Every day, kids in my classes keep talking about drinking and partying. Most of them wish to get drunk this very second or quit to get high. Any advice?'"

He put the letter back in the envelope, looked at the camera, and smiled. "Well, Eddie, it seems that everyone else but you doesn't want to be in school. Here's some words of encouragement: In ten years, you'll be in the mall, purchasing the most expensive stuff, and you decide to get a pretzel. Your classmates will be the ones serving the pretzels, not you! Because you've got the kickass job, and they don't! You're the superior one! BWA HA HA HA HA!" he said.

"Uh, Riku?" asked Sora. "Didn't you say that you were the superior one?"

"Shut up." said Riku. He opened another letter. "Here's one from Marissa of New York World: Dear Riku, I enjoy driving as much as you do. But, everyone drives to slow. Please help me out."

He grinned. "You know what you should do, Marissa? You should tell everyone you have a permit to drive fast! I do it all the time! Whoops!" He covered his mouth. He blushed. "I shouldn't have said that..."

He tossed all the letters in his hands to the side, and turned to his audience.

"Alright, that's all the time we have for today, give a big round of applause to our special guests, Sora and Kairi!" said Riku.

The audience cheered and applauded. The passed out Sora fangirls were awake and off the ground by this time.

"And I'll see you next week! Later!" said Riku. And then, he ran offstage and disappeared backstage...


	3. The third episode

Riku ran onstage of his show with the audience going crazy once again.

"Hey everyone and welcome to my show!" said Riku. "Do I have a show for you or what? Well, not really. It's gonna be a short one. Hurky and Ansem were going to guest appear, but they couldn't make it today."

A few "Awws" and a few "Yays" came from the audience.

"Now I have a little segment that I'm going to show you." said Riku. "But there won't be a sketch because I don't have a lot of time today."

The entire audience "Aww-ed" on that one.

"Alright." said Riku. "I went to school the other day and I decided to document on how stupidly dumb their rules are. Like no eating in class, or don't wear a hat in class or even don't run in the halls! They always tell you to hurry up and get to class, but they don't want you to run in the halls? It's like they want to give detention to all the kids!"

The audience laughed.

"So here we go!" said Riku.

The screen behind him changed to a scene from Riku's school, and there came Riku on the screen.

"Alright, so here we are at Destiny Islands High School. I'm going to show you how completely ridiculous their rules are!" he said. "Come on!"

He and the camera man began to run around campus, trying to find what ridiculous thing to make fun of. They ran around for about twenty minutes until they came across the attendance office.

"So this is the attendance office." explained Riku. "They're the weirdos who deal with the kids who are late, absent, or even truant!"

Sora then runs in.

"S-sorry I'm late!" he panted. "I overslept!"

"Have a seat over there!" said the attendance lady with an accent.

Sora sat on the bench and sighed.

A guy with gray hair wearing a suit and tie poked his head out the door and saw Sora.

"Ah, Mr. Hart!" he said. "Step into my office!"

Sora hastily got up from the bench and went into the guy's office.

"Whenever kids are even two seconds late, Mr. Huffington gives a detention!" said Riku.

Sora walked out with a white slip of paper in his hands.

"Detention?" asked Riku.

"Detention." said Sora with a sigh.

A boy with spiky red hair, freckles, wearing a black t-shirt, and jeans walked in.

"Sorry I'm late." he said.

"This guy here." said Riku. "Is Scott Burkorini. He is the number one dumbass at Destiny Islands High School. He gets away with _everything _only because his mom works here."

"Alright, Scott, you're late this time, try to not to be late next time." said the lady with an accent as she printed a re-admit from the compuer and handed it to Scott. "Get to class."

"Will do." said Scott.

"WTF?" cried Sora. "I get detention and Burkorini gets away with being late?"

"His mom works here." said another lady who was typing on the computer.

"Burkorini could get away with murdering somebody on campus!" said Riku. "Watch."

He pulled out a fake gun and put it in Scott's backpack when he wasn't looking.

"Ohhhh Mrs. Dggnejkhtoaegjknsjk!" called Riku. "Scott has a gun in backpack!"

"He does?" asked the lady with the accent named Mrs. Dggnejkhtoaegjknsjk. "He's fine. He won't hurt anybody." Then she went back to typing.

"If any other person has a gun..." said Riku as he took the fake gun from Scott's backpack and put it in another kid's backpack. Mr. Huffington saw it and totally freaked.

"OMG, HE HAS A GUN!" he cried. "CALL THE SWAT TEAM!"

Mrs. Dggnejkhtoaegjknsjk picked up the phone and called the police and the SWAT team.

"You see?" asked Riku as he walked out. "Kids of people who work here get away with everything."

Scott walked out of the attendance office.

"Oh what a beautiful day it is." said Scott.

Riku punched Scott in the stomach.

"Owwwwwwwwwwwww!" moaned Scott as he clutched his stomach. He looked up at Riku. "What was that for?"

"For being born!" said Riku. He began to walk off. "Now do you see all these gates here? They lock them all day until 2:40, when we all get out. It's like they imprison us!"

The bell rang for lunch.

"At lunchtime, everybody scrambles to the lines to beat everybody else to it." said Riku. "Why? Because the lines get ridiculously long. It takes almost the entire lunch period just to get your lunch! Lucky for me, I cut!"

He cut to the front of the line and got some food. Some girls swooned and passed out from his "hotness and wonderfully good looks." They were too in love with Riku to care that he cut in line.

"Oh boy!" said Riku. "Pizza! But they only allow you to get3 items! Two drinks and a food item! What a rip-off!"

The scene shifts to where all the kids go to their sixth and final class of the day.

"And finally." said Riku. "They have lock-outs. They really want a lot of kids in detention! They have teachers lock out all the kids who are late and they are not to let them in until they're told they can. Whoever is locked out, has to go to the cafeteria and get a detention slip!"

"Lock out!" yelled a teacher.

Suddenly, all the doors slammed shut and Riku and his cameraman were locked out.

"Oh, snap!" cried Riku. "Quick, cameraman! We better hide!"

"Too late!" said a fat woman wearing swearclothes. "To the cafeteria you go!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Riku.

The segment ended and the audience applauded and cheered.

"That's our show for today!" said Riku. "Next time, Hurky and Ansem, a sketch, and 'What Should Have Happened on Kingdom Hearts 1!' Good night!"

He ran offstage...

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**Hurky: Yeah,I had to update in a short amount of time and I really wanted to post this. I hopeyou enjoyed this chapter! Laters!**


	4. The fourth episode

**Hurky: I do not own the sketch I will be putting. I got most of the ideas from another sketch comedy show.****

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**Riku ran onstage once again with a cheering audience for another episode of Mind of Riku.

"Hey, everyone!" he said. "And welcome to Mind of Riku!"

The audience applauded and cheered in total hysteria.

"Do we have one big show for you today!" said Riku when the clapping stopped. "I will be doing a two part segment called 'What Should Have Been Said or Done in Kingdom Hearts 1.' and one part will be shown today, and the other will be shown next time, since the segment is pretty long. Also, Hurky, Ansem, and Sora will be guest starring today!"

The audience cheered.

"There will also be a sketch today!" announced Riku. "But first, I'm going to talk about a little thing called, 'Don't You Hate It When...', where I speak my mind on what I and I'm sure everyone else, hates."

"Yeah!" cheered the audience.

"Don't you hate it when you get in trouble with the cops or anyone else who is higher authority than you, gives you a ticket or detention and they say, 'I'm not doing this to be mean?'"

Riku heard a few "Oh yeahs," and "Definitelys." and "So trues." from people in the audience.

"And don't you hate it when your parents do something to you, like force you take an extra class or give up something you really love to do, and they say, 'We're doing this because we love you?'"

Riku got the same reactions on that one from the audience.

"Don't you hate it when you're feeling like crap and one of your friends goes and says, 'I feel so loved!' when you pretty much feel hated?"

"Yeah!" said a girl in the audience.

"I get that a lot." said a young woman in the audience.

"Makes me want to go punch them in the face! And don't you hate it when people flash mirrors in your face on a hot, sunny day?"

Riku got an audience-wide reaction there.

"Don't you hate it when it's raining, and you're soaking wet, and you stand next to a puddle, and then some jackass in their stupid ugly cars drive by and splash water all over you?" asked Riku.

"That just happened to me!" said some random dude wearing a rain poncho and one of those goofy rain hats, sitting there and dripping wet.

"Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass, isn't it?" asked Riku to the guy.

"It sure is." said the guy.

"Don't you hate it when old people try to make jokes, but they're just not funny?"

"Not really." said the guy with the paper bag over his head. "They actually make some pretty good jokes."

"Don't you hate it when people give you false hope?" asked Riku, ignoring the paper bag guy.

Everyone agreed on that one.

"Yeah, a total pain! It's what my childhood was like!" said Riku. "And don't you hate it when...when...okay, I forgot what I was going to say!" said Riku with a laugh. "Stick around for the sketch!"

(Goes to commercials and then returns)

The stage is now changed to a set that looks like a late night talk show and there sat Riku dressed in a Steve Irwin-like outfit and he was going to go on a safari.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, it's time for Riku Thompson's Safari World!" said an announcer.

The audience cheered and laughed at the same time.

"Welcome, everyone!" said Riku in a stupidly obnoxious voice. "I'm Riku Thompson! And boy do I have a show for you today! We're going to have real live animals! Our first guest is really talented because he can fetch, here's a doggy!"

A girl with long brown hair and glasses wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and a light brown vest to match the occasion walked in with a chocolate laborador. Everyone immediately recognized her as the authoress and applauded.

"And who are you?" asked Riku.

"I'm May James, from the Destiny Islands Humane Society." said Hurky, using a pseudonym.

"Welcome Destiny!" said Riku loudly and fast.

"No, I'm _from _Destiny Islands." explained Hurky. "I'm May James!"

"Well that's a dumb name! I'm Riku Thompson!" Riku blurted out. He looked down at the dog. "And who is this little guy?"

"This is Tobey and he's a chocolate laborador." said Hurky as she pet the dog, who was sitting there, wagging his tail and panting. "He needs a good-"

"Chocolate lab?" asked Riku. "He sure doesn't look like he's chocolate.Tell me, May, can you make chocolate mousse from this dog?"

"Excuse me?" asked Hurky in a confused voice.

"I mean, you say he's a chocolate laborador!" said Riku. "Isn't he used to make dessert?"

"Uh...no." said Hurky slowly.

"Then why is it here?" asked Riku. He lifted his hands and made a shooing motion. "You go now! Shoo!"

Hurky took the dog and walked off and in came Sora, also wearing a light brown vest like the one Hurky had on instead of his hoodie and he was holding a pink and white furred rabbit, and sat down where Hurky had been sitting.

"And who are you?" asked Riku rudely.

"I'm Eric Grayston, also from the Destiny Islands Humane Society and this is Missy." explained Sora, also using a pseudonym for the sketch.

"Welcome, Eric, I'm Riku Thompson!" blurted out Riku with a big grin on his face. "So, what's with this animal?"

"She was rescued from a hair dye testing facility." explained Sora."She was tested in all sorts of hair dyes until an undercover animal lover took her away and gave her to us. At the humane society, we..."

As Sora droned on and on about the rabbit, a thought bubble appeared by the side of Riku's head and the thought bubble showed a glass with chocolate mousse, but it had a dog nose in the middle of it, a tongue sticking out on the bottom, and ears sticking out on top of the mousse.

"That's crazy!" blurted out Riku.

"What's crazy?" asked Sora with a confused look on his face.

"The chocolate laborador!" said Riku. "Made into chocolate mousse!"

A thought bubble with the same picture of the doggie mousse appeared next to the side of Sora's head and Sora smiled. "Yeah, that is crazy!" he said.

The audience applauded and the show went to commercials. When they got back, Sora, Riku, and Hurky were standing onstage without the safari clothes.

"Alright!" said Riku, now talking in his normal voice. "Now it's time to do 'What Should Have Been Said or Done on Kingdom Hearts 1!' with commentaries by me, Hurky, and Sora! The commentaries will be in bold!"

"WOOO!" cheered the audience.

"Let's begin, shall we?" asked Riku.

"YEAHHHHH!" whooped the audience.

The screen behind Riku, Sora, and Hurky changed to where it's nothing but darkness, until there's words and everyone could hear Sora talking.

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"I've been having these weird thoughts lately..." said Sora. A minute passed as soon as the words disappeared. "Like...why is there so much shiny gold writing?" 

The audience laughed a small laugh.

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(Part where Sora wakes up on Destiny Islands) 

"Yawwwwnnnn." yawned Sora. He lies back down on the sand.

Kairi then bends down to look at Sora.

"Whoa!" cried Sora as he shot up and accidentally whacked Kairi on the face with his hand.

"Owww!" cried Kairi as she grabbed her nose. "I think by dose is bleeding!"

"Well, don't try to disturb me from my sleep!" said Sora as he crossed his arms.

Kairi took one hand off her nose and looked at it. "Nope. Not bleeding, thankfully." she said.

"Kairi, I just had the craziest dream!" exclaimed Sora excitedly. "I was in stranded on an island with an Oompa Loompa-oh wait, that's you! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha LOL! LMAO! OMFG! LMFAO! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha-ow!"

Kairi bonked Sora on the head with her fist.

"What have you been smoking?" she asked. "And I'M NOT AN OOMPA LOOMPA FOR THE LAST TIME, SO STOP CALLING ME ONE!"

"I don't smoke." said Sora, avoiding Kairi's I'm-not-an-Oompa-Loompa comment.

"Well I can't wait to get off this stupid island. I'm sick of it!" said Kairi, ignoring Sora.

"Yeah me too. I'm tired of those lousy seagulls pooping on my head every single day!" said Sora.

"What?" asked Kairi.

"Nothing..." lied Sora. "I'm just sick of sand in my shoes all the time."

"Then wear flip flops and not clown shoes, ya idiot!" yelled Hurky from an unknown distance.

(The audience laughed)

"Well, what are you waiting for?" asked Kairi.

"Hey, aren't you forgetting about me?" asked Riku as he came along.

Sora and Kairi turned around to find Riku holding a log.

"You're forgetting about the extremely awesome and sexy Riku!" said Riku. Then, in slow-mo, he tossed his hair back and did one of those I-think-I'm-so-hot poses and puckered his lips, while some really shiny and golden sunlight hit Riku to highlight him. He grinned and his white teeth shined.

* * *

**Hurky: Okay, that's a little overdoing it, Riku.**

**Riku: No it's not! That was one of my best shots!**

**Sora: Shut up and watch the clips!

* * *

**

"Am I the only one working on the raft?" asked Riku.

"Yup, pretty much." said Sora and Kairi at the same time.

"YOU LAZY BUMS!" said Riku. "CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING BUT SIT THERE?"

"Hey, that's my line!" said Kairi.

"At least I was the second highest paid person on Chain of Memories!" said Riku. "You got paid only ten grand just to yak on for three hours or so!"

"Shut up!" screetched Kairi in a whisper. "And be quiet about CoM! Nobody's supposed to know about it yet!"

"Here, have a log and keep your mouth shut!" said Riku, tossing the log and knocking Kairi out with it. "Man am I tired!"

He sat down on the sand. Sora picked up a stick and poked Kairi with it. He turned to Riku.

"Hey Riku, wanna run away before Kairi wakes up and finds us?" asked Sora.

"Sure." said Riku.

He and Sora take off running and smiling and then the camera swerves to the ocean to show the Kingdom Hearts logo...

* * *

Meanwhile, at Disney Castle, Donald walked to the room with Mickey's throne in it. He walked to the huge door that blocked it. 

"Hmm..." said Donald to himself thoughtfully. "Why did that stupid idiot put these humongous doors here? Whatever happened to the little doors he had here? To make sure no one gets to his stash, he had to get these big-assed doors? Him and that candy stash!"

He began to push on the huge double doors, but they wouldn't budge.

"Ugh!" grunted Donald as he had his backside to the door and pushed. "Why...won't...this...(bleep)-ing door...work?"

He began to throw one of his trademark temper tantrums when one of the walking mops came by and opened the secret little door for Donald.

"Uh, thanks!" said Donald. "Heh heh."

He walked into the king's room.

"Good morning your majesty." said Donald as he walked with his eyes closed. "It's nice to see you this morn-WHAT?"

He saw that the throne was empty. Pluto came from behind the throne and gave Donald the envelope with the Mickey head seal. He opened it and read it. Suddenly, Donald threw his trademark temper tantrum...

* * *

(On the islands when Sora goes up to Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie) 

Sora goes to Wakka and talks to him.

"Hey, what's happening, mon?" he asked.

"You need to learn better English." said Sora. "Hey, wanna practice fighting?"

"Sure!" said Wakka.

(Scene shifts to the shore where Sora is to fight Wakka)

"Show me your stuff!" he said.

"Ew, now forget it!" said Sora. Then, he walked off. Next, he went up to Selphie.

"Hey, Sora." said Selphie. "Have you ever tried a paopu fruit? You share one with someone, it binds you together forever andever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever (an hour later) ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever!" She sighed. "It's so romantic! I gotta try it sometime!"

Sora is already gone at this point. He went up to Tidus, who was swinging a stick.

"Hey, Sora, you feel lucky today?" asked Tidus.

"Ew!" cried Sora. "You and Wakka are both sick!"

He ran off to go finish gathering the stuff for Kairi.

* * *

(When Destiny Islands is attacked by heartless) 

Sora ran to Riku, standing on the bridge to the paopu tree.

"Where's Kairi? I thought she was with you!" Sora called to Riku.

"It's here." said Riku.

"What's here?" asked Sora. "The pizza oracle?"

"NO!" said Riku. "The darkness!"

He held out his hand.

"Take my hand!" he said.

"Ew, no way I'm touching your hand!" said Sora with a disgusted look on his face.

"No, I'm going to take you to..." lied Riku. "to...Candy Land!"

"Candy Land?" asked Sora. "Oh boy!"

He tried to take Riku's hand, but the darkness that was under Riku began to flood on Riku, separating the two. Finally, Riku was gone, and Sora was holding the keyblade.

"A big gigantic key?" asked Sora. "What the heck am I supposed to do with this?"

"How about use it to hit those monster things?" suggested the voice that repeatedly said "Keyblade."

"Hmm. Good idea!" said Sora. He began to hit things with his keyblade. "DIE!"

"Ow ow ow ow ow!" cried a familiar voice. "Stop hitting me!"

"Who are you?" asked Sora.

"I'm Hurky, what do you think?" asked Hurky.

* * *

**Riku: Hey! How did you get there when we shot that scene?**

**Hurky: Security let me in. They know me because I'm the only reason you have a show!**

**

* * *

**"Uh, Hurky, you're not even supposed to be in the game!" called the director. 

"I can be in anything I want!" called Hurky. "You're not my mother!"

Suddenly, one of those long cane things that's shaped like a candy canes came along rom a corner and pulled Hurky out of the scene by her neck off the island. (like in old cartoons where people perform onstage and they suck, so they get yanked off the stage by a long cane on the side of the stage).

And so, Sora continued his search for Kairi. Finally, he went to the secret place and found Kairi there.

"Kairi!" said Sora.

Kairi turned to Sora with a sad and dazed expression on her face. Suddenly, the door behind her burst open and a strong wind came blowing out, pushing her towards Sora.

"Whooaaa-oof!" cried Sora. Kairi flew smack into Sora, knocking him to the ground. "Get off me!"

But she was gone. Then, the wind got stronger and blew Sora out of the secret place...

* * *

(Back on the show) 

"Well, that's all the time we have for today." said Riku.

"Now wait just one minute!" said a deep and familiar voice.

Everyone in the audience looked around to see where the voice came from. Then, Ansem walked out onstage.

"Hello, everyone!" he said, taking a bow.

"BOOOOOOO!" booed everyone.

"Yay!" said the guy with the paper bag on his head.

"Hey, he likes Ansem!" said the dude next to him. "Get him!"

Then, the guy with the brown paper bag on his head got jumped by fellow audience members.

"Ansem!" said Riku and Sora at the same time.

"You do realize that I'm a guest?" asked Ansem.

"We were hoping you'd forget." said Hurky.

"No, I'm like an elephant." said Ansem. "I am never forgetful. And I squash things for my own power, and furthermore..." (an hour later) "I shall be victorious! And another thing...hey, where'd everybody go?"

Ansem was standing on the stage with an empty audience. He was alone, except for the old janitor sweeping the floor.

"I think everyone left an hour ago." he said. He continued to sweep. "They left when you made your boring speech."

"GRRRR!" growled Ansem. "RIKU!"

* * *

**Riku: Next time, we will try to get to the end of What Should Have Been Said or Done on Kingdom Hearts 1, but we might only make it to where I get turned evil. Ansem will be a guest once again and so will Ryo and the introduction of a new character, a Sora/Riku fangirl! Good night!**


	5. The fifth episode

**Hurky: OMG, sorry for the long wait! I've been totally stressed out over school, the doctor's appointments, the release of KH2, and other stuff. And I was struck down by a severe case of writer's block. Here we go!

* * *

**

Riku once again ran onto the stage with the audience cheering as another episode of Mind of Riku began.

"Hey everybody and welcome to yet another episode of Mind of Riku!" said Riku.

The audience applauded.

"Alright, now I have a really good show for you today," began Riku. "Today we're going to have Sora, Kairi, and Hurky as special guests once again!"

The Sora fangirls in the audience went totally ballistic as soon as they heard the word "Sora." A few Kairi fanboys cheered and the Hurky fanboys...oh wait, there are no Hurky fanboys, lmfao!

"And we are going to finish the long segment _What Should Have Been Said or Done on KH1_." Riku continued. "But first, have any you ever wondered how I ever ended up with this show?"

A few people in the audience said "Yes," "Yeah," and "Yup."

"So here's a little video of how I got Mind of Riku!" said Riku.

* * *

The screen behind him changed and showed Riku walking over to a classroom at Hurky's school and found Hurky sitting at a computer, typing away. 

"Hey, how's it going, Hurk?" asked Riku, walking in and slapping Hurky a high five.

"Real nice." said Hurky in a serious tone of voice, continuing to type even after receiving the high five.

Riku sat down in a chair next to Hurky and turned to her,

"Whatcha typing?" he asked, feeling the need to bug Hurky.

"What does it look like?" asked Hurky. "I'm typing what you should do next on _All That Randomness_."

"You haven't updated that story in ages!" said Riku. He just sat there and watched her type for about five minutes before finally asking, "Hey, if you're updating _All That Randomess_, have me go into one of those horror movies as a bad guy and scare the living daylights out of people!"

"No way!" said Hurky. "I'm the authoress and I can do whatever I want with you guys in the stories."

"Can I have my own TV show?" asked Riku suddenly.

Hurky looked up. "What?" she asked.

"You heard me." said Riku. "Didn't you?"

"Sorry, I wasn't listening." said Hurky, turning back to her computer screen and began to type again. "I was too busy trying to figure out how to get you into-"

"Instead of making me go on adventures in TV land." said Riku. "Why don't you write a story where I actually get my own TV show?"

"Why do you deserve a TV show, hm?" asked Hurky, actually turning away from the computer screen and looked at Riku.

"Because," said Riku. Then, he got up from his chair, put a foot on it, and held a fist up in the air as if he was making a pledge. "I want a story of my own where I can do stand up comedy, sketches, and funny videos like this that I can show to the people in my soon-to-be audience!"

"You're taping this?" asked Hurky.

"Never mind!" said Riku. "I just want my own show/story where I poke fun at everyone and everything!"

"Riku, you already do that in my stories!" said Hurky. "I don't need you getting your own story where you...aw man, Riku, don't give me the puppy eyes! Sora already does that with me!"

Riku stared at Hurky with his emerald colored eyes that were cute little puppy eyes. "Pwetty pwease with a cherry on top?" he asked. "I'll do whatever you want me to do!"

Hurky looked up at the ceiling in thought. "Hmm..." she said.

"I'll be your slave for a week!" Riku blurted out, not thinking about the consequences of being Hurky's slave.

"Really?" asked Hurky surprisingly. "That means you'll do anything for me?"

Riku nodded eagerly.

"So that means that you'll do the dinner dishes for me the entire week?" asked Hurky.

Riku nodded.

"Including going to Ryo's house to give her a dozen roses while dressed like cupid?" asked Hurky.

Riku nodded once again.

"Even pantsing my economics teacher and running off?" asked Hurky.

"Look, if I said I'll be your slave for a week, that means I'll do anything!" said Riku. "Just give me my story/show! Now do we have a deal?"

Hurky was silent for a minute. Finally, she stuck her hand out and shook Riku's hand.

"Alright, it's a deal," she said.

* * *

The audience cheered and applauded as the screen went blank. 

"And that's how I got Mind of Riku!" said Riku with a grin on his face.

"Riku!" called a voice.

"What the-?" asked Riku as he turned to the side and found Hurky walking over to him. She stopped in front of him and put her hands on her hips.

"Riku, when you said that you'd be my slave for a week, what happened?" asked Hurky. "We made the deal before Christmas break of 2005 and now it's after my birthday!"

"Uh, yeah, about that!" said Riku, scanning his mind for an excuse. "I told you. My grandmother's turtle exploded."

"I gave you that excuse to use in _Dude Where's Sora's Bike_!" said Hurky.

"Eep." Riku said to himself. "Well then I'll be your slave some other time, okay?"

"Fine, but remember your promise!" said Hurky.

"Whatever, just-" said Riku until a familiar and obnoxious laugh filled the room.

"What was that?" asked Hurky, looking around the room.

"MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" laughed the voice again. Suddenly, a ton of smoke filled the room and Ansem burst right in. "BWA HA HA HA HA-(cough cough cough) damn smoke machine!" he said.

"ANSEM!" said Riku and Hurky sternly at the same time.

"Tis I!" said Ansem as he straightened out his cloak. "For I am Ansem-"

"We know who you are!" said Hurky.

"I know. I just wanted to make a grand entrance." said Ansem. "I mean, aren't I important?"

"Heh heh, ya sure are!" said Riku, patting Ansem on the back, really taping a sign on his back that said _Destroy me, Organization XIII!_. Then, he coughed the word "Loser!"

"Did you call _moi_ a loser through a cough?" asked Ansem.

"Uh, maybe," lied Riku.

"Ohhhhhh Ansem!" called a familiar male voice.

"Who called my name?" asked Ansem.

Sora and Kairi walked in with a boy wearing pajamas, slippers on his feet, and a baseball hat over his bald head. The audience went crazy when they saw Sora and Kairi

"Hey, guys!" said Riku. "What's with the kid?"

"Oh, this is Benjamin." said Kairi, putting her hands on the boy's shoulders. "He has leukemia, and he's making real good progress with his chemotherapy!"

"Hi, Benjamin!" said everyone in the audience.

"Wow, Riku Thompson!" said Benjamin in amazement as he stared at Riku. "I'm a real big fan of your show!"

"Thanks a lot!" said Riku, crossing his arms and grinning. "I'm glad that someone appreciates my work!"

"Your work?" scoffed Hurky. "I'm the one that writes most of your jokes!"

"We talked with the Children's Hospital of Destiny Islands and Benjamin has a dream." said Sora, ignoring Hurky's comment. "He wants to not only meet Riku, but Ansem as well!"

"Well, I'm flattered!" said Ansem, feeling surprised.

"He wants to hurt Ansem for what he did to Riku," continued Kairi. "So Ansem, if you let little Benjamin hit you, the profits from the tickets sold today will go to the hospital!"

"I'm not little." said Benjamin. "I'm only ten!"

"Alright, if it goes to the sick children!" said Ansem. He put his hands on his hips. "Okay, Benjamin, show me what you got!"

The audience applauded as Sora handed Benjamin a baseball bat and he got ready.

"Okay, here goes," he said.

Suddenly, Benjamin dropped the bat and kicked Ansem "where the sun don't shine."

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" moaned Ansem, falling to the floor.

Hurky, Kairi, and the entire audience laughed their heads off while Sora and Riku stared in shock with an expression on their faces that said "That's gotta hurt."

"Yeah, take that for messing with Sora and Riku, bee-yatch!" said Benjamin, kicking Ansem again.

"Sora, did you tell this little kid to kick Ansem in the nads and say bee-yatch?" Hurky asked Sora.

"Heh heh, he said he wanted to hurt Ansem, so I suggested this!" said Sora, grinning like a jack-o-lantern.

Hurky shook her head and escorted Ansem off the stage.

"Now let's finish _What Should Have Been Said or Done on KH1!" _said Riku.

The audience once again applauded and the screen behind Riku and his friends changed to show Traverse Town, where Donald and Goofy were walking.

* * *

"Hmm," said Donald, waddling with his arms crossed. "Where's that key?" 

Goofy scratched his head. "Uh, I dunno." he said. He stopped to look at Pluto, who was sniffing the ground. "Ya know, maybe Pluto's got something."

_What are you talking about?_ thought Pluto. _I've got nothing, including my dignity even though you're a dog like me yet you get to wear pants. At least I'm not a complete retard who speaks in nothing but the language of the dumb people._

He continued to sniff the ground and followed the scent. He ditched Donald and Goofy and went over to a building where he found Sora, passed out. He put his wet nose on Sora's face and woke him up.

"Ohhhhh..." moaned Sora. He slowly opened his eyes and saw Pluto in his face. He screamed. "AHHH! OMG! A retarded looking dog!"

He got up and ran off, screaming like a little girl. He continued to run until he saw the shops of Traverse Town.

"Whoa..." he said in awe. "I'm in another world!"

He walked over to the shops and looked up at the names. He saw a shoe store.

"Hmm, maybe I should get some smaller shoes..." Sora said to himself. He looked at the sign. "But then I grow in KH2, so-"

"Sora, nobody is supposed to know that there is KH2 yet!" said the director.

"Whoops!" said Sora. "My bad! Heh heh."

* * *

**Sora: I can't believe I let Hurky talk me into doing that scene.**

**Riku: Wow, you should do a voice of a girl in a cartoon! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!**

**Sora: Shut up, Riku!**

**

* * *

**

**In the scene where Sora meets Donald and Goofy...**

Donald and Goofy were surrounded by heartless on a balcony of the third district of Traverse Town. They got ready to fight them.

"Let's go get 'em, Goofy!" said Donald, brandishing his wand.

Suddenly, the heartless kicked their butts and sent Donald and Goofy flying over the building and onto Sora.

"Ugh..." moaned Sora as Donald and Goofy lied on top of him. He looked up. "WTF? OMG, this world is REALLY crazy! A pantsless duck! A dog that speaks in nothing but gibberish! AHHH! Somebody tell me I'm dreaming!"

Donald whacked Sora with his staff. "No, you're not dreaming," he said in his quacky voice. "AND I JUST DON'T HAPPEN TO LIKE WEARING PANTS!"

Everyone, including Goofy, stared at Donald in disbelief.

"They're uncomfortable, okay?" Donald snapped.

Scenes after Sora joins Donald and Goofy...

Sora, Donald, and Goofy walked out of the first district and to the gummi ship.

"So how will we get to other worlds?" asked Sora to Goofy.

"We're taking the gummi ship!" said Goofy.

Sora's eyes brightened. "You guys have a space ship made out of the stuff they use to make gummi bears?" he asked in a hopeful voice.

"No. That's the name of our ship!" said Donald. "Man, were you born premature?"

"Actually, my mom said I was born two days late!" said Sora.

Donald rolled his eyes.

He, Goofy, and Sora got inside the ship, buckled up, and Donald started the ship. All while Donald was getting ready for takeoff, Sora leaned to Goofy and whispered something into his ear.

"Hey, Goofy," whispered Sora. "If Donald doesn't wear pants, then how come every time he loses his shirt, he has to cover his private parts?"

"Actually, I don't really know!" said Goofy.

"I HEARD THAT!" yelled Donald.

"Well, it makes no sense." said Sora to Goofy.

* * *

**Scene where Sora, Donald, and Goofy get swallowed by Monstro...**

"He's coming right for us!" yelled Goofy as Monstro flew towards them with his big mouth wide open.

"He's gonna swallow us!" cried Donald. "WWWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Monstro swallowed them right up and minutes later, Sora, Donald, and Goofy found themselves lying on the floor and waking up.

"Ugh, my head..." said Sora as he rubbed his head. He stood up and looked around. He grinned. "YES! KAIRI OWES ME 1,000 MUNNY! YOU REALLY CAN BE SWALLOWED BY A WHALE!"

Donald and Goofy just stared at Sora as if he was nuts...

* * *

**Scene where Sora is to fight Sephiroth...**

"You're in for a real ass whupping!" said Sora as he got his keyblade ready.

Then, music began to play.

"WHERE'S THAT MUSIC COMING FROM! Everytime I get into a fight, it comes on!" cried Sephiroth. "I want my Mommy! AHHHHHHHHHH!"

He ran out of the Coliseum. Sora just stared at him in bewilderment.

"He's weird!" said Sora. "Maybe Leon's right. He needs to see his therapist and _badly_!"

* * *

**Scene in Atlantica...**

Sora, Donald, and Goofy swam in through the wall in their first time entering Atlantica.

"Whoa!" said Sora, checking out the tail that replaced his legs. "This is awesome! I'm a mermaid!"

"Uh, aren't you a merman since you're a guy?" asked Goofy.

"Right!" said Sora. "Now-"

Suddenly, a ton of Sora fangirls wearing scuba gear swam for Sora and all glomped him.

"AHH! I'M BEING HUGGED BY RABID FANGIRLS IN SCUBA GEAR!" yelled Sora.

"WE LOVE YOU AS A MERMAN!" squealed the fangirls. "YOU'RE SO HAWT!"

* * *

**Riku: Maybe that's what I should do! Go to Atlantica where Ryo can't find me!**

**Hurky: Riku, don't you remember that's how Ryo got introduced into my stories? She found you in Atlantica!**

**Riku: DAMMIT!**

**

* * *

**

**100 Acre Wood...**

Sora went up to Winnie the Pooh and introduced himself.

"Hi, I'm Sora!" he said.

"Why hello!" said Pooh. "My name's Pooh!"

Suddenly, Sora fell to the ground, rolling around on the grass and laughed like crazy.

"Ha ha, your name is Poo!" he laughed. "HA HA HA! POOH! That's the most hilarious name I've ever heard since I met Hurky!"

"HEY!" yelled Hurky.

Then, a pink and black keyblade a lot similar to Sora's keyblade flew out of nowhere and hit Sora on the head.

"OW!" cried Sora, rubbing his head. "That hurt."

* * *

**Scene where Sora fights Riku in Hollow Bastion...**

Sora and Riku charged at each other with their weapons and began sparring.

"Why are you such a jerk?" asked Sora to Riku as the weapons clanged against each other.

"BECAUSE I AM, THAT'S WHY!" Riku said with a laugh.

Then, out of complete randomness, Hurky came out of nowhere and kicked Riku "where the sun don't shine."

Riku fell to the floor and moaned in pain while Sora stared at Hurky like she was a complete maniac.

"That's for being a jerk and messing with Sora!" said Hurky.

"Hurky!" called the director. "Stop intervening!"

* * *

"Okay, I think that's enough!" said Riku. 

"Ha ha, Hurky kicked you in the nads, Riku!" laughed Sora as he slapped Hurky a high five.

"SHUT UP!" cried Riku. "You're forgetting that this is my show and I can do whatever I want to you, and right now, I want to kick you out!"

"And because of me, you have a show!" Hurky shot back. "I can easily delete this story and there will be no more Mind of Riku!"

"No, you can't do that!" cried Riku.

"Why did you kick Riku down there, Hurky?" cried Ryo.

"Hey!" cried Riku. "SECURITY!"

Suddenly a guy with spiky dark brown hair wearing black armor and a tag that said _Security _came and hauled Ryo off.

"Let's give it up for Alan, my new security guard!" said Riku.

"I think that was mean, carting Ryo off!" said Kairi.

"Hey Alan, take Kairi, too!" called Riku.

"WHAT?" cried Ryo.

"Alright, that's our show for today!" said Riku. "Took about three weeks to make, but we did it! Tune in next week for more antics and a segment that I have called _You're a Bishonen When..._Later!"

Then, the show ended.

* * *

**Hurky: I would like to thank khknight for Alan the Security Guard. If any of you have ever seen the Blue Collar's _You're a Redneck _jokes, please tell me if you have any but for bishonen! Please review!**


	6. The sixth episode

**Hurky: Sorry for the long wait! Here's a good long chapter of Mind of Riku but first, I do not own Alexa or Jean.**

**

* * *

**As another episode of Mind of Riku began, the doors to the stage opened and suddenly, instead of Riku running out onto the stage, Sora ran out instead. Half the audience cheered and the other half seemed to be confused. 

Sora stopped in front of the audience and waited for the _applause _sign to go off.

"Hey, everyone and welcome to Mind of Riku!" said Sora. "Unfortunately, Riku had a little distraction, so I volunteered to take over the show!"

The Sora fangirls in the audience screamed, cheered, swooned, and one even passed out. Their boyfriends all gave Sora an evil look, but he ignored it.

"So for today, it's going to be Mind of Sora!" he continued.

"No, freaking, way!" called a voice.

Kairi, Hurky, Ryo, and Alexa all ran onstage and stopped to stand next to Sora.

"Since when do you get to take over Riku's show?" asked Hurky.

"Since I took Riku's car keys and hid them in the huge red pockets on the side of my pant legs," replied Sora.

Kairi rolled her eyes. "Sora, you'll do anything to get on TV, huh?" she asked.

**At Riku's house...**

Riku was running rampantly around his house, searching for his missing car keys.

"Where are they? I'm already late for my show!" Riku asked himself as he scrambled to his couch and lifted up sofa cushions. Nothing. He put the cushions back where they were. "Mom, have you seen my car keys?"

"Sorry, Riku!" yelled Riku's mom. "Have you tried checking the wash? I did your laundry this morning!"

"Of course!" said Riku. Then, he bolted down to the basement to check the many pairs of blue pants in the dryer.

**Back on the show...**

Sora and Kairi were still arguing over who gets to host the show when suddenly, a whistle sounded. Sora and Kairi turned to where the whistle came from.

"Guys!" spoke up Alexa. "Maybe we should just share the show!"

"Not a bad idea!" said Sora. He turned to Hurky. "What do you think, Hurk?"

Hurky shrugged her shoulders. "I guess." she replied.

"Alright then!" said Sora. He turned to the audience. "We have a great show for you guys today. We're going to do _You're a Bishonen When..._and a little stand-up comedy!"

The audience applauded.

"We're not doing a sketch?" asked Ryo.

"Aren't you supposed to be with Riku?" asked Sora.

"He's no fun when he looks for his car keys because he makes me look with him!" replied Ryo.

"Well too bad, you're leaving!" said Sora. "Oh, Alan!"

Alan stormed onto the stage and carried Ryo off.

"You know, that was really mean." said Hurky.

"You want me to get Alan to carry you off, too?" asked Sora.

"You want to be out of the story?" Hurky shot back. "I _am_ the authoress."

"Uh, let's get on with the show then!" said Sora, changing his mind on kicking Hurky off the show. "You guys don't mind if I do a little stand-up, do you?"

"Not at all!" said Alexa with a nod. "Continue on."

"High school," Sora said, shaking his head. "We've all been there, right?"

"Not all of us are in high school yet, dumbass!" yelled a kid with a brown paper bag over his head.

"ALAN, SEIZE HIM!" yelled Sora.

Alan ran to the audience, took the kid with the paper bag on his head, and threw him out of the studio.

"Man, I love this job!" said Alan with a huge smile on his face..

"Can we get back to the stand-up?" asked Sora with his hands on his hips.

"Go for it." said Hurky. "I'm not stopping you."

"Well, you could." said Sora. He turned to the audience. "So before my interuption, _most _of you know what high school's like. I'm going to do a little ranting on high school life. Like pep rallies! They pull us out of class to watch a bunch of people in sports you don't even care about do stupid things. And the cheerleaders! No offense to anyone who are cheerleaders here, but when they do a stunt of some sort, they'll end up falling and, sometimes but rare, get injured. They should really consider the safety of themselves!"

"When Riku watches the cheerleaders, he yells 'FALL!' and actually boos them!" said Kairi.

"You used to love pep rallies!" Sora shot back.

"Let's move on to another topic!" yelled Hurky over them. "Man, you two sure like to argue today!"

"That's because I went to bed last night at...uh..." said Sora, thinking. "Five o'clock this morning!"

"Doing what?" asked Ryo, suddenly back onstage.

"Video games...practicing my skateboarding." replied Sora cooly. (**Hurky: Yay, Sora skateboards in KH2! SWEET! Sora: Hey, it's all good. I'm a better skateboarder than Roxas will ever be. Roxas: Well, you ain't no Tony Hawk.**)

"How did you practice your skateboarding in the middle of the night?" asked Hurky.

"You ever see those couples, holding hands and making out in the halls at lunchtime and between classes?" asked Kairi, ignoring Hurky. "I mean, come on! There's this girl in my Health and Safety class that makes out with her boyfriend every day at lunch and then complains she's hungry when 5th period begins. Maybe she needs to stop wasting time smootching with her boyfriend and actually get some lunch for a change."

"I hate it when I'm in the store and there are people holding hands and kissing while waiting in line to buy stuff." said Sora gruffly.

"You said it!" said Hurky. "That really grinds my gears!"

"You wanna know what else grinds Hurky's gears?" asked Alexa with a sly grin. "Her fanboy, Damien!"

"Ugh!" cried Hurky. "He TOTALLY grinds my gears!"

"Ohhhhhhh HHHHuuuurrrrrrkkkyyyyyyyy!" called a nerdy sounding voice.

"EEK!" squeaked Hurky. "Hide me from this freak!"

"Go over there!" said Alexa, pointing to a door that said _Emergency Fanboy/Fangirl Escape Door_. "He'll never find you here!"

Hurky ran to the door, went inside it, and closed the door.

A guy with spiky black hair wearing a pink buttony shirt, black pants and black shoes walked onto the stage.

"Have any of you seen Hurky?"

"Yeah, she went to go get herself some contact lenses!" lied Kairi.

"You know, I've always wanted to see how good she looked without glasses," said Damien dreamily. "Well, if you see her, tell her that I want to know if she wants to go see X-Men 3 with me."

"She said for you to go to hell." muttered Sora with a snicker.

"Well. I'll be off." said Damien, walking slowly off stage.

"Let's all boo Damien!" yelled Sora.

"BOOOOOOOOOOO!" booed the audience.

"Is he gone, yet?" asked Hurky from the door.

"Yup. He's gone." said Ryo. "You can come out, now."

Hurky stepped out of the room and breathed a huge sigh of relief. She turned to Alan. "Next time he shows up, take him away!" she directed.

"Alright!" said Alan. "You don't plan on going to go see X-Men 3 with him, are you?"

"OMFG, NO!" cried Hurky.

Sora turned back to the audience. "And now, it's time for _You're a Bishonen When_!"

The audience cheered.

"With a special guest, Jean!" said Kairi.

A girl with black hair wearing a white shirt and blue jeans walked onto the stage.

"How's it going, Jean?" asked Sora.

"Real good, thanks!" said Jean. "So, you wanted me to do a segment with you?"

"Yeah, just to poke fun at bishonen." said Sora. He turned back to the audience. "Here's how it goes: We say 'You're a bishonen when fangirls chase you all over the place.'"

The audience cheered. Sora waited until the cheering and clapping stopped.

"You're a bishonen when your teeth sparkle every time you smile!" began Sora.

The audience laughed a little.

"You're a bishonen when you have an organized fanclub!" said Kairi.

"You're a bishonen when you've witnessed people intentionally losing fights so they can watch cutscenes of you again!" said Hurky.

Some people in the audience muttered stuff like "It's true." and "Very true."

"You're a bishonen when you look sexy in feminine clothing!" said Ryo.

All the girls in the audience laughed.

"You're know you're a bishonen when you wake up in the morning and say to yourself in the mirror, 'Hey, hottie!" said Alexa.

Everyone laughed on that one.

"You're a bishonen when you can't count the number of people you've been paired with in fanfics!" said Jean.

Everyone also laughed on that one.

"You're a bishonen when you have long, sleek hair that you obsessively comb!" said Sora.

"You're a bishonen when you have cherry blossoms swirl around you every time look up!" said Kairi.

Someone in the audience coughed.

"You're a bishonen when your past is full of loneliness and despair; betrayal and heartache, like Riku!" said Hurky.

The audience laughed. Suddenly, there was a buzzing sound.

"Well, that buzz means we're out of time!" said Sora. "But join us next time with Riku! If he ever finds his car keys, that is, hehe. Good night!"

He, Kairi, Ryo, Alexa, Hurky, and Jean all walked off stage...

* * *

**Hurky: I would like to thank Ryo, Alexa, and Moolis for their "You're a Bishonen Jokes;" and Jean for her character. Night!**


	7. The seventh episode

**Hurky: Hey guys, sorry for taking so long on the update! I've had too much to do.**

**Riku: Good, now get to my show!**

**Hurky: Why?**

**Riku: Because there's a lot of things that I want to complain about!**

**Hurky: (sighs) Fine. Here's the next chapter of Mind of Riku!**

**

* * *

**

Riku ran onto the stage once again with a cheering audience, but this time, they were all standing up and cheering. Riku smiled and the applause stopped.

"Hey everyone and welcome back to Mind of Riku!" Riku began.

Everyone cheered loudly.

"It took me a while to find my car keys," continued Riku. "Then my friend Jean told me that Sora had them all along: in his pockets. So, I took good care of him!"

Scene shifts to a hospital room, where Sora was lying in a bed, in a coma with bruises all over his body and with Kairi at his bedside.

"You had to be stupid and hide Riku's car keys," she said as she shook her head. "You know Riku can kick your ass!"

The scene changed back to the Mind of Riku set.

"If you're wondering what happened to Sora, I beat him up and put him in a coma." said Riku. "Don't worry. He'll be back next episode."

He turned to another camera. "Now, in the time I had off while Hurky was on hiatus from this story due to her very busy schedule, I've had a lot of time to think about stuff and boy, does everything suck!" he said. "Let me tell you what I'm gonna bitch about."

The audience applauded.

"Alright, um, here we go!" said Riku. "You know how you go on roller coasters?"

Some people in the audience nodded and said "Yeah."

"Well, just recently, I went to Universal Studios in Hollywood World with Hurky. We went on several rides there." explained Riku. "But the most annoying thing is when you reach the part of the roller coaster where you just DROP down, but they take your picture right at the moment you're on the plunge! When I went to see the pic, I was horrified! My hair was flying all over the place and my face is making this weird expression like I'm having a seizure! So, I went to the people in charge of the camera and kicked their asses!"

The audience laughed.

"Another thing that annoys me is that several years ago, I'd buy a bottle of soda, look under the cap, and either be told I lose or I get a free soda." continued Riku. 'Nowadays, you look under the cap and you see these letters: XSGYJ FJRWK. I look at the label and it says to enter the code at the website and see if you won. Here's something that didn't occur to the dodos at the soda company: NOT EVERYBODY HAS INTERNET! I know, because for the longest time, my family didn't get an internet accessible computer until I was fourteen, and it sucked. My friends with internet would be talking about the latest websites while I didn't even know what IM-ing was."

Some members of the audience nodded.

"One more thing that grinds my gears!" said Riku. "Whenever I see a scary movie, I want to watch the movie to get scared. You know, to a point where you get the crap scared out of or you have bad nightmares for weeks. I watch the new ones now and they're REALLY STUPID! They don't scare you and then they add a bunch of sex scenes! We wanna get scared, not turned on or whatever those weird "whoopee" movies do. And they also have a really crappy plot!"

The audience laughed.

"For example," continued Riku. "In a scary movie made in the 1980s or the early 90s, they had Chuckie, Freddy Kruger or Jason killing people for revenge! Now there's 'The Ring!' Woooooooo! Am I supposed to be scared of a ring? Rings don't kill people!! HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"Riku!" said Ryo, running onto the stage and stopped. The audience went nuts in applause. Then, the clapping stopped. "Did you even watch 'The Ring?'"

"Uh," said Riku. "No."

"That movie is about a video tape that kills people 7 days after watching it!" said Ryo.

"Ooh, did you watch the tape?" asked Riku, hoping Ryo had seen it.

"No!" cried Ryo. "That tape does not exist!"

"Well then, that's not my problem," Riku said. He turned to the camera. "Stick around, Mind of Riku will be right back!"

* * *

**After commercials...**

Riku and Ryo were standing onstage of Mind of Riku.

"Just recently," began Riku. "In the time Hurky did not update this story, me, Ryo, Sora, and Hurky all went to one of the few worlds in the universe that don't speak English. It's called...uh, how do you pronounce that again?"

"Fvnsogheowgsjgbls!" said Ryo proudly. "I know, because I can speak the language!"

"Alright, let's watch how our vacation went!" said Riku.

The screen behind him went all staticky. Then, it cleared up and showed Riku, Ryo, Hurky, and Sora all walking in a village that had nothing but cobblestone streets and cottages. There were outdoor shops and people dancing in the streets. Riku twirled a finger next to his head, indicatin that the people were cuckoo.

"I don't know why we even came to this world for a vacation." said Sora, sounding bored. "Everything looks the same here and the signs are all in some weird language!"

"I like my new hat!" Ryo said, ignoring Sora's comment and adjusting her new hot pink and bright yellow hat that said **TREUY HDSBF FVNSOGHEOWSJGBLS!** Really meaning "I love Fvnsogheowgsjgbls!"

"Hey, it was Ryo's turn to pick a place and she wanted to visit some friends here." said Riku. "You picked last time and we went to Hollywood World just to get on Fear Factor!"

"Sora almost made it, except he passed out when they asked him to eat cockroaches." Hurky pointed out.

Riku laughed. "I would have offered to eat them, but I was laughing too hard at Sora!" Riku said with a laugh. He pointed at Sora. "HAHAHAHAHA, OMFG, YOU PASSED OUT AFTER BEING ASKED TO EAT BUGS!"

"Shut up!" cried Sora.

"Let's go to a friend of mine!" suggested Ryo, trying to prevent a war between Sora and Riku. She led them and Hurky to a cottage in the heart of the village.

"Why are we seeing some dude who can't even speak English?" whined Sora.

"He speaks really good English," Ryo explained. "He lived in Traverse Town for fifteen years."

She walked up to a cottage and knocked on the door. A man who looked to be about twice the age of Cid opened the door, wearing suspenders, a white shirt, and boots, answered the door.

"Hi, Mr. Smajbgskbjperfpvnk!" Ryo said.

"Oh, hello, Ryo!" said Mr. Smajbgskbjperfpvnk in some kind of accent. "It's nice to see you. And who are these people?"

"These are my friends, Sora, Riku, and Hurky!" replied Ryo. "They're visiting from Destiny Islands!"

"Never heard of it." said Mr. Smajbgskbjperfpvnk, ushering Ryo and the others inside. They all sat down on wooden chairs and a plush table. On the table was a platter of crackers and cheese. "Do help yourselves to some cheese and crackers."

Riku picked up a cheese knife, cut a bit of cheese off the block, but then a foul smell wafted out of the cheese. Riku pinched his nose in disgust.

"Ugh, how old is this cheese?" he asked in a nasal voice.

"A week old," answered Mr. Smajbgskbjperfpvnk. "Why?"

"Because it smells a little funky..." said Hurky, also pinching her nose.

"Nonsense!" Ryo said. She took the piece of cheese, put it between two crackers, and ate it with a smile. Riku, Sora, and Hurky stared at her in amazement. "This cheese tastes fine!"

Hurky nervously cut herself a piece, put it between two crackers, took a bite and immediately spat it out.

Ryo poured herself a cup of tea and gave it to Riku. "Here, try this!" she said. "It's guaranteed to taste really good! It's one of the best teas in this world!"

Riku took one sip and spat it out. "Poo! This stuff sucks!" he said. "Get me out of here!"

Ryo sighed. "You guys don't know good tasting food!" she said.

Sora stood up while Ryo and Mr. Smajbgskbjperfpvnk had a conversation. Sora noticed a very interesting looking vase on the mantel. He picked it up, but then it slipped from his fingers and it fell to the floor with a crash.

"What was that?" asked Riku.

"My vase!" cried Mr. Smajbgskbjperfpvnk as he went to get a broom and dustpan. "Hgogo nobgos kbgjl toeiojhbu hgbwuot ghipnssjtgwn ikbu hwg sgfow gnsjdg!" He muttered as he swept the broken porcelain.

He finished cleaning it up and sat back down in his chair.

"Uh, I speak a little bit of your language." Riku said, trying to change the subject.

"Oh, really?" asked Mr. Smajbgskbjperfpvnk. "Do speak some of my native language."

Riku held his breath. He realized that everyone was speaking in gibberish that even he could speak. He couldn't understand it, but he could try and speak it. "Rgnsgobs ignsn gwi hgskna guow noij gbh jmnhs eiwtru nvsfrow!" he said."Guwigp hnkdsbf jnk bgos nj bogns bgwi kbf ouwhkg ns ghie jgwi njvlb, jk oshgiwepoj mgkenwgiuowj opnhkishgtwp ojmhkaihgjowgjwh jiughpwgnjso fkfrujgmo noghihgwbhoe!"

Mr. Smajbgskbjperfpvnk laughed. "Haha, thank you. I know I am sexy!" he said.

Riku's jaw dropped open in shock. "I meant to say what a nice place you have!" he said.

"Try another sentence!" Ryo said.

"Ngogobndgisdhngibfjofpieuo orjhjmzxvn wirhoipwqqqn josnvb djosjvsbgjvsbgjbhso!" said Riku. "OGTJHSDMBVKAJHGF KGJSKVIKFRNXDLFJHSOH!"

Mr. Smajbgskbjperfpvnk gasped. "WHAT?" he cried.

"Was it something I said?" asked Riku.

The next thing Riku knew, Mr. Smajbgskbjperfpvnk picked Riku up and threw him out the door. Then Sora and Hurky flew out.

"Telling me to kiss myself and my donkey with a dog doo burrito?" asked Mr. Smajbgskbjperfpvnk. "I have no donkey. I have a burro!"

"That's Spanish for donkey, dumbass!" said Hurky.

"Oh yeah?" asked Sora, sitting on the ground. "Your wine sucks! You call that a pinot grigio or a chardonnay? What kind of wine is that?"

"That was my dish water!" said Mr. Smajbgskbjperfpvnk angrily. "Hope you like that cheese washed from the plates in the water!"

Sora began to spit. "Ugh, gross!" he said. "Why do you save your dish water?"

"To hopefully bring back my dead Grandmother Shanana!" said Mr. Smajbgskbjperfpvnk. "She was killed on Destiny Islands last year by a rabid seagull!"

"Oh yeah, wasn't she that crazy bag lady that stole soda cans from my garbage cans?" Riku asked, reminiscing. "Because I swear she looks justlike you!"

"I'm really sorry about my friends!" Ryo said apologetically. "They're not normally this rude!"

"You may still come back to visit me any time you want," said Mr. Smajbgskbjperfpvnk. "But you freaks, better not come back!"

"We don't wanna!" said Hurky. "If I wanted to go to a crazy place, I could have gone back to home to Wonderland!"

"By the way, my wife says you look like a man, Girl-With-A-Name-That-Rhymes-With-A-Bird!" said Mr. Smajbgskbjperfpvnk.

"I'm a girl!" yelled Hurky angrily.

Mr. Smajbgskbjperfpvnk closed his door right when Hurky, Sora, and Riku threw rocks. They all hit the door...

"I can't believe you guys!" Ryo said frustratingly.

Suddenly, some random people dressed in colorful cloaks and goofy looking hats were doing the can-can in the streets. They were singing a song that sounded like this: "Ysnbps igwo n soghwi jgw-Oi!" over and over again. Ryo squealed.

"Ooh, let's go dance with the Traveling Can-Can people!" she said.

"Eh. Why not?" Sora asked, shrugging his shoulders.

* * *

Back on the show, Ryo and Riku stood on the stage. 

"Alright, I'm out of time for today, but next time, there will be a sketch, later everybody!" Riku said.

Suddenly, The Traveling Can-Can people came out onstage and forced Riku to dance with them.

"Ahhhh! It's the cursed Traveling Can-Can people!" cried Riku. "Help me Ryo!"

"Ysnbps igwo n soghwi jgw-Oi! Ysnbps igwo n soghwi jgw-Oi!" sang Ryo as she danced. "Good night, everybody!"

* * *


	8. The eighth episode

**Disclaimer: Hurky doesn't own Nic Kinari or the sketches she's about to use. They inspired her to do that.**

**

* * *

**Riku ran onstage once again where the audience was cheering like crazy, stopped, and grinned. 

"Hey everyone and welcome to Mind of Riku!" said Riku.

"YYYEEEEEAAAAHHHH!" cheered the audience.

"Alright, I have totally awesome show for you today!" said Riku. "Have you ever wondered what a rooster would look like if he drove?"

Everyone in the audience appeared confused.

"Well, we just shot this recently." explained Riku with a laugh. "This is gonna make you laugh! Here we go!"

The screen behind him changed to where he, Sora, Kairi, Ryo, Alexa, and Hurky were sitting in Sora's mother's SUV, waiting for Sora's mom to take them somewhere.

"Man, what's taking her so long?" asked Riku, looking at his watch.

Suddenly, the door opened, closed itself, the car started, and they drove off. Sora turned next to him and saw that a rooster was driving. He had his wings on the steering wheel.

"Mr. Whiskers?" cried everyone.

"Buck buck!" said Mr. Whiskers.

"This is awesome!" said Kairi, smiling. She turned to Sora. "Sora, I didn't know Mr. Whiskers can drive!"

"I didn't know, either!" said Sora, astonished. "I-It's amazing!"

They drove for about twenty minutes and fifteen on the freeway. Suddenly, Mr. Whiskers began to drive off the freeway and onto the side.

"What are you doing, Mr. Whiskers?" asked Alexa.

"He's losing control!" cried Riku.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Sora, Riku, Kairi, Hurky, Ryo, and Alexa at the same time.

"BAAAAWWWWWKKKKK!" bucked Mr. Whiskers.

The SUV drove off the freeway and fell down a hill. Everyone got out, unscratched.

"I thought he could drive." said Ryo, shaking her head.

"Just not very well." said Sora.

"Hey, there he goes again!" said Kairi, pointing at Mr. Whiskers, who was driving off.

Back on the show, the screen turned back to normal and the audience was laughing and clapping.

"You wanna know what I hate?" said Riku.

"What?" asked the audience.

"Rich people!" said Riku.

"Why?" asked the audience.

"Because they're jerks!" said Riku. "Seriously. I got an email from my friend, Nic Kinari and he lives in Balamb, where there are a lot of rich people. The people he knows put up a surveillance camera system all over their house. Let's watch."

The screen behind Riku changed to where Riku was sitting at a computer with a boy with light tanned skin, wearing a black and green Hawaiian shirt over a dark blue shirt, blue shorts, with hazel eyes, and short brown hair.

"So Nic, can you tell me about these guys?" asked Riku.

"Well, the dad's a lawyer, I'm not sure what the lady does, and they have three kids, all boys, but the oldest two are twins and the youngest is only a few months old." explained Nic. "I hacked into their surveillance system a while back due to boredom and have been watching them do some crazy things!"

Riku snickered. "Like what?"

"Eat dinner, watch TV, play board games, do work at home, et cetera." replied Nic. "The TV they watch is totally boring! Nothing but history and nature shows! Ooh, here's the dad into the kitchen!" (**Hurky: No offense to people who like nature shows. I know no one watches history shows**.)

Riku saw a blonde haired man walk into the kitchen and to the fridge. He opened it, took out some milk, went to the cupboard, took out a glass, poured the milk into it, drank some, and spat it out.

"Ick, this milk expires today!" said the man. He tossed the milk into the garbage can and walked away.

"WTF?" cried Riku.

"What's wrong?" asked Nic.

"Milk that expires today doesn't taste any different than when it was bought from the store." said Riku. "Heck, I drink milk that expired two weeks ago!"

"Uh, okay, that kind of does sound gross." said Nic. "Moving on! The woman is having a book club meeting and a wine tasting!"

"Okay!" said a woman with long, blonde hair, holding a book. "This week's book is called the Bish Onen, about a teenage boy who gets attacked by fangirls because he is fairly popular and good looking but he has no money."

"IT'S PRONOUNCED BISHONEN, NOT BISH ONEN!" yelled Riku. "But everything's true. I am good looking and I have no money."

Nic shushed Riku when the women brought out the wine and began to taste it.

"Here's the difference between rich Balamb people and middle class Destiny Islanders." Riku said to the camera. "When people from Balamb drink, it's sophisticated, but when people from Destiny Islands drink, they're drunks!"

Nic typed a few things into his computer and then another screen showed up.

"What's going on, now?" asked Riku.

Nic switched it back to the man, who was sitting on the couch, reading Ansem's _A the Magazine, _a magazine made by Ansem but for rich people when a peacock wearing a yellow hat which read _Balamb Express_ walked in through the open kitchen door and to him.

"Mail delivery for Mr. and Mrs. Bernard!" said the peacock.

"Thanks!" said Mr. Bernard.

"Peacocks deliver mail?" asked Riku.

"Only upon special request and it's 700 munny extra." said Nic. He typed on his computer. "Now we're going to take a look at what the kids are doing."

The camera changed to the backyard, where a woman holding a frowning baby and two identical twins were playing while Hurky was cutting grass in the background.

"Whoa, that's an ugly baby!" said Riku. He saw Hurky. "Hey, what's Hurky doing here?"

"Well, she helps with her dad's gardening service and they have clients here in Balamb." exlpained Nic.

"Who's the lady?" asked Riku, noticing the woman.

"Their nanny." replied Nic.

"WHAT?" cried Riku. "These kids have a nanny? My parents used to have crazy old ladies baby sit for me and Rep! Sure, sometimes we'd be left at Sora's house so that his mother could watch us while we played with Sora, but most of the time, when Mrs. Hart couldn't baby sit us, it was the old ladies we got stuck with."

"What's wrong with having an elderly woman baby sit for you?" asked Nic.

"She'd give us cough drops instead of candy!" cried Riku. "And she made us watch her stupid soap operas instead of Nick Jr. and Muppet Babies was a kickass show!" **(Hurky: That was a show on Nick Jr. when I was little back in the early 90s.)**

"And check out all the toys they have." said Nic.

Riku studied the toys all over the patio and saw two of every toy. Two tricycles, two scooters, two toy swords, two baseball bats, and two of everything else.

"WTF?" cried Riku. "OMFG, two of every toy? Rep and I had to share our toys and we practically killed each other fighting over them."

"Who's Rep?" asked Nic.

"Oh, my evil twin brother." replied Riku. "He goes to school here, you know him?"

"I've heard of a Rep Thompson, but I've never seen him." replied Nic.

Then, Mr. Bernard walked out.

"Hey kids, you wanna see something funny?" he asked.

"Yeah!" said the boys.

Mr. Bernard walked over to the sprinkler system and turned the sprinklers on, wetting Hurky and the grass.

"AAAAHHH!" screamed Hurky, ditching the lawnmower and running off.

Mr. Bernard and the kids all laughed.

"You know what?" asked Riku. "These people get on my nerves! I wish I knew where these people were!"

Nic grinned a sly grin. "Well, it just so happens that these people live right next door." he said.

"Good, record this footage." said Riku, getting up from his chair and leaving the room. Nic pressed the _record_ button and he saw Riku walk in to the house.

"Who are you?" asked Mr. Bernard, who was back in the house.

"Get our rich ass over here!" said Riku, taking out his keyblade and hitting him with it

"Ow, stop it!" cried Mr. Bernard, cowering from the hits.

Back on the show, everyone was laughing and so was Riku.

"Let's give it up for Nic Kinari!" said Riku.

Nic was in the audience and he stood up in his chair, taking a bow. The audience clapped.

"That's our show for today, see ya later!" said Riku...


	9. The ninth episode

**Hurky: Hello once again with another update of Mind of Riku.**

**Riku: Today I'm going to rant on about yaoi, so if you're a yaoi fan, please don't be offended with what I have to say. After all, it is Mind of Riku and I speak what's on my mind. Enjoy!!**

**Disclaimer: Hurky doesn't own the Age Police segment or the commercial comparison from Mind of Mencia.**

**

* * *

**As usual. Riku ran onstage as another episode of Mind of Riku began. 

"Hey everyone and welcome back to my show!!" he said.

Everyone in the audience went nuts in applause and cheers. I guess Mind of Riku is starting to become a big hit.

"As usual, we have a great show for you today." said Riku. "Have you ever seen how phony TV commercials are?"

Everyone in the audience agreed.

"Take this for instance," Riku began. "You've seen the burger restaurant ads, right? They are TOTALLY phony. Watch."

The screen behind him changed to a fast food restaurant where a man stood behind the cash register and he was smiling. Riku walked up to the man, wearing a jacket, his black shirt that was normally under his yellow vest, and jeans..

"Hi, sir, welcome to Burger and Salad Emperor, may I take your order?" he asked politely.

"Yeah, give me the cheeseburger combo." Riku said, looking up at the menu.

The man handed Riku a piece of paper that had his order number on it as soon as Riku paid. Three minutes later, the man placed a nicely done cheeseburger with crisp lettuce. tomato, onions, pickles, and a sesame seed bun that looked like it came straight out of the oven when Riku ordered it, on the counter. There were crispy fries, not a soggy one in sight, next to the burger along with a large soda with big, square ice cubes floating in it.

"Number sixty three!" said the man. "Here you go, have a nice day!"

The scene went back to Mind of Riku.

"THOSE EFFING LIARS!!" Riku yelled. "Everything's the opposite! Watch this!"

The screen changed back to the same burger place where a grumpy man was behind the cash register.

"Can I take your order?" he asked in a tone that said _I really don't want to be here._

"Yeah, can I get the cheeseburger combo?" asked Riku.

Riku paid the guy, was given his number, and waited and waited and waited and waited. Finally, twenty minutes later, his number was called and the guy slammed a tray with a cheeseburger that had no fixings except maybe the cheese and the sauce, soggy fries, and a soda with crushed ice.

The scene changed back to the show. Everyone was laughing. Riku waited for the laughter to stop before he went on.

"Now you see these toys meant for one year olds, right?" asked Riku. "Well, in these commercials, the baby actually plays with the toy and laughs and learns and stuff."

The screen once again changed to where Riku was in his aunt's house, babysitting his one-year old cousin, Mikey. They were in the clean, spotless living room with a little gym with toys hanging from it and 26 separate buttons consisting of the alphabet plus buttons with animals and fruit on them. A little bleach blonde haired baby was laughing and playing with these little toys.

"Haha, yeah, go press that little there!" Riku said in a baby-talk voice to Mikey.

"The letter A!" said a voice when Mikey pressed the button.

"A!" said the baby.

"Woo hoo!" said Riku. "You said the letter A!"

He scooped his cousin up and gave him a big hug.

The scene changed back to Mind of Riku. The audience was saying "Awwwww." when they saw the scene.

"Here's what _really_ happens!!" said Riku.

The screen went back to the same setting, only there were toys strewn all over the living room, stains in the white carpet, and baby Mikey was crawling everywhere but the baby toys meant for him. Riku chased him all over the living room.

"Mikey, get over here and play with that toy!" yelled Riku as he crawled on his hands and knees.

"A blah blah gah gah!!" said Mikey, crawling over to the electrical outlets.

"No Mikey, no!!" cried Riku, picking up his cousin. "Those are not toys!!"

"Hee hee!!" laughed the baby, noticing Riku's Way to Dawn keyblade on his belt loops and took out the keyblade. He hit Riku on the butt with it.

"Ow!! Mikey, that is _SERIOUSLY_ not a toy!!" cried Riku. "OW! OW! OW!!"

Back on the show, everyone was shocked.

"Don't worry, those were fake electrical outlets." said Riku. "There will be more of these on another show but right now, you wanna know what I hate?"

"What?" asked the audience.

"Yaoi!" said Riku.

There was a mixed reaction in the audience.

"Riku!!" called a voice.

"Oh crap. Here come Ryo and Hurky." Riku said under his breath.

Hurky and Ryo walked over to Riku and stopped onstage.

"Riku, why must you talk bad about yaoi?" asked Hurky. "I know I'm not much of a fan of it, but think of the people who love yaoi."

"I didn't say anything about yaoi yet." Riku pointed out. "Besides, you'd hate yaoi if you were me and people paired you up with Sora!!" He shuddered as he said that.

"Yaoi is not so bad!!" said a fan in the audience. "People think differently about who should be paired with who in fanfiction!"

"Yeah, we're just expressing our loves for Sora and Riku!!" said an author.

"But have you ever Googled me and Sora in images?" asked Riku. "It makes me hurl in disgust! And who knows what goes on in fanfiction?"

"Lemons!" said Hurky. "Make out scenes and lemons."

"Ew, I hate lemons." said Riku in disgust. "They're too sour and they're bad for your teeth anyway!! Why would me and Sora eat lemons in yaoi fanfics?"

Ryo stepped up to Riku. "Uh, Riku? Do you even know what a lemon is?" she asked.

"Of course I know!" Riku said. "A yellow citrusy fruit, DUHHHHH!!"

Ryo turned to Hurky. "He doesn't know. I guess it's come to this." she said. She stood on her tiptoes, since Riku is a tall guy, and whispered in his ear. Riku made a shocked face and fainted to the floor.

Sora walked onstage. "Hey guys." he said. He looked down and saw Riku. "What's with him?"

"We told him what a lemon is." replied Hurky.

"Uh, he's freaking out over a fruit?" asked Sora.

"Not that kind!" said Hurky. She leaned over and whispered in Sora's ear. He, like Riku, passed out and hit the ground.

"Weirdoes." Hurky said. She turned to the audience. "We apologize for this. Riku just plain hates yaoi. We'll be right back!!"

* * *

**Commercials...**

**

* * *

**

After commercials, the show came back on and Riku was conscious and onstage, wearing a police outfit. There were other people onstage, too.

"Now it's time for the Age Police!!" he said. "You ever notice that too many people do things that are not in their age range? Let's take them down!!"

He walked over to a little boy talking on a cell phone onstage. Riku tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey kid, how old are you?" he asked.

"Six." said the kid, pressing the end button.

"Do you have parental permission for that cell phone?" asked Riku.

"I do and my parents only set a minute limit for me, so I don't run up a huge bill like how my big sister does." said the kid.

"Well, I hereby declare you too young to have a cell phone!" Riku said in an important sounding voice. "Here's your punishment!"

He grabbed the boy's cell phone, threw it to the ground, and stomped on it.

"Moving on!" said Riku. He walked over to a woman dressed like a teenager.

"OMG, I just got the lead role in a high school movie!!" she said excitedly.

"Oh really?" asked Riku.

"Yah, I play a fourteen year old freshman in high school!" said the woman.

"How old are you really?" asked Riku.

"Twenty four." said the woman.

"Okay, that's just plain stupid!" said Riku in disbelief. "You're portraying someone who's ten years younger than you? This is an outrage!! Punishment is having your movie contract ripped to shreds!!"

A guy dressed like a movie director took a contract and ripped it up. The woman burst into tears and ran offstage.

"Last one!" said Riku, walking over to a guy wearing a pirate costume and holding a pumpkin bucket.

"Haha, trick or treat!" he said in a surfer voice.

"How old are you?" asked Riku.

"Twenty one." said the guy.

"Too old to trick or treat!" said Riku, taking the bucket of candy and tossing it into the audience. "That's stupid!!"

He turned to the audience and grinned. "That's our show for today, thanks for reading!" he said. "Peace out!!"


	10. The tenth episode, Christmas special!

Riku ran onstage of the Mind of Riku set wearing a suit and tie. The stage was decorated with holly and christmas lights.

"Hey everyone, and welcome to the Mind of Riku Christmas Special!!" he said.

The audience cheered.

"Now we're going to have a few people over for dinner and they'll be bringing stuff." said Riku. "Let's hope they bring some good stuff!"

"Hey Riku!" said a voice.

Riku turned around and saw Roxas, Namine, Pence, Olette, and Hayner walking onstage. The guys were wearing suits and the girls were wearing fancy dresses. Namine's hair was even fixed up. Each of them were carrying a covered bowl or casserole dish. Pence was carrying a platter.

"Oh yeah, you guys were going to bring the ham!" said Riku.

"I hate ham." said Olette. "They slaughtered poor, innocent pigs for this!!

"And let's be thankful." said Riku. "Those pigs let us sacrifice them to be delicious, juicy Christmas hams!"

"My mom made some green bean casserole." said Roxas handing Riku the casserole dish he was holding. "She says I make it taste funny."

"Hey, where is that lovely ham?" asked Namine.

"Right here!" said Pence, lifting up the cover to the platter he was holding only the reveal that there were a few bones left.

"What happened to the freaking ham?" asked Hayner.

"I don't know." lied Pence. He let out a burp. Hayner took a sniff of his breath.

"It's ham alright!" he said angrily. "LET'S BURN HIM!!"

"NO!" cried Namine. "You can't kill Pence just because he ate the ham!"

"But it was the main attraction of Christmas dinner." Roxas pointed out.

"Hewwo!!" said a quacky voice.

Everyone turned to see Donald and Goofy walking onstage, carrying a fig pudding.

"What the hell is that?" Riku asked in disgust.

"A figgy pudding!" said Goofy, taking a drink of rum from a large bottle.

"Fig pudding, you dumbass!" said Donald, whacking him on the head with the pudding platter.

"Ow..." said Goofy. Suddenly, he stumbled all over the stage.

"Oh _why_ did I invite those two?" moaned Riku as he clapped a hand to his forehead. He forgot those two always clashed. He turned to the audience. "As you all know, a week from Christmas is not only New Year's, but also the one year anniversary of the publication of Mind of Riku and my birthday. However, Hurky isn't ready to have me turn 18 so I'm staying 17 for another year!!!! That sucks!!"

"Knock knock!!" said a familiarly deep voice.

Sora and Kairi walked onto the stage. Kairi was carrying a platter.

"Hey guys!" said Riku. "Nice outfits."

Sora was wearing a suit and Kairi was wearing a red and white dress with a sprig of fake holly in her hair.

"So what's for dessert?" asked Riku.

"We brought you plantains!!" said Kairi.

Riku was silent for a minute. "Plantains?" he finally said. "What kind of a Christmas dessert is that? Where's the pumpkin pie?"

"Me and Kairi decided that we should try something different for a change." explained Sora.

"BUT CHRISTMAS IS NOT CHRISTMAS WITHOUT A PUMPKIN PIE!!" yelled Riku as he grabbed Sora by the shoulders and shook him.

"Man, Riku sure does not know Christmas traditions change every now and then." said Roxas.

Hurky ran onstage, wearing a pink dress and carrying a ham and pumpkin pie.

"Guys, will you all shut up?" she yelled.

Everyone stopped bickering.

"Thank you!" said Hurky. "I heard about the pumpkin pie and ham situation, so I ran to the store and got these. Sorry Sora, Kairi, but plantains do sound weird."

"HO HO HO!!" said a voice.

"What was that?" asked Namine.

Axel, dressed as Santa, fell in from the roof and hit the ground. He dusted himself off and stood up.

"HO HO HO, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!" said Axel. "Got it memorized?"

Everyone laughed.

So, after many mishaps, everyone was seated at a long table with all the food on it.

"But there is one important thing about Christmas." said Riku to the audience. "It's all about having your friends and family all around to celebrate with you, no matter how annoying they get!"

"RIKU!!" said a voice.

"What the-?" asked Riku.

Ryo ran and and glomped Riku.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Riku. "Get her off me!!!"

"But Christmas is no fun without Riku!" said Ryo. "He brightens us all year long!!"

The audience went "Awwwwww..."

Ryo sat down and Riku turned to the camera.

"Have a safe and Happy Holidays from me, Hurky, and the rest of us!!" said Riku. "Sorry if this chapter was short. Laters!!"

"Hey, those are my lines!" said Hurky.

"Riku can say it, it's his show!" said Axel. "Got it memorized?"

Everyone laughed.


	11. The eleventh episode, season premiere

**Hurky: OMFG! Sorry for not updating in so long!!**

**Riku: Too much has happened for Hurk here. Now I'm back with a vengeance!!!!!**

**Disclaimer: Just to remind you, Hurky doesn't own Kingdom Hearts or any of the stuff she has Riku make fun of. Such as the Real Life vs Internet. That is from Red vs. Blue, which she doesn't own. She does own Hurky and Y Que Mas. It was totally her idea.**

* * *

Kairi walked into an office where Riku was trying to do his math homework before his show. He had his yellow vest off because it was too warm and he was drinking a Monster energy drink. 

"Hey Riku, I've got a question for you," said Kairi, pulling a chair and sitting in it.

"Sure, go ahead." said Riku, looking at his Algebra book and trying to write down an equation to solve.

"Is it okay if we can say, 'You're ugly,' on the show?" asked Kairi.

"Of course." said Riku. He stopped writing and put down his pencil. He looked up from his paper. "What makes you think you can't say that?"

"No reason," said Kairi. Riku looked down at his homework again. A wide grin spread across Kairi's face and she stood up and turned to the door. "Hey, Sora! Riku said it's okay to say he's ugly on the show!!!"

Riku looked up from his textbook. "WHAT?" he screamed in surprise and anger.

Kairi giggled and ran out of the room.

"Damn it, Kairi!" yelled Riku, slamming his textbook closed. He looked at the clock and saw that it was time to do a show. "Oh snap! I better get out there!"

He grabbed his yellow vest from a chair, put it on, and ran out the door.

Meanwhile, on the show, the audience was waiting for Riku to come on. Ryo walked onstage and took a mic.

"Ladies and gentlemen, here's Riku!" she boomed as Riku ran in. The audience cheered and applauded and Riku grinned, forgetting the ugly incident with Kairi. He figured that he'll get even with her one of these days.

"Hey guys!" he yelled. The audience stopped clapping as Riku began to talk. "I know it's been a very long time since I did stuff on the show. Hurk's had too many things happening in her life, so it's been hectic. It's resulted her in getting writer's block. Multiple times. But now, she's back with a vengeance!"

The audience cheered.

"Okay now!" said Riku, putting his hands together. "In the time it took for Hurky to get around to updating this fic, I was surfing the internet a lot. Now, there are some pretty cool things on the internet, like how you get to connect with people all around the universe, going shopping, and watching awesome videos! But! There are some not-so-cool things online!"

Sora groaned. "Riku, you're gonna whine about the internet?" he asked.

"No duh, Sherlock!" Riku said. He turned back to the audience. "I'm going to compare real life to the online life!"

The screen behind him changed and there showed the words: _Real Life: Meeting people._

Riku walked up to Namine on paopu island.

"Hey there." he greeted, pretending not to know Namine and had a different name. "My name's Josh, What's yours?"

"My name's Jessica," replied Namine, pretending to be someone who didn't know Riku and had a different name.

"So, you wanna go out with me?" asked Riku.

"Okay!" replied Namine happily.

_Online Life: Meeting people._

Riku goes up to Namine again on the island.

"Hey there." he said. "My name's Josh, what's yours?"

"Jessica!" replied Namine, lip syncing to Roxas' voice. "I'm a girl! Wanna chat?"

"No you're not!" Riku cried and pointing to Namine. "You're a dude!"

"No, I'm a chick! Kiss me!!" said Namine/Roxas.

Riku just scoffed and walked off.

_Real Life: Writing a Journal_

Riku sat on his stomach on his bed, writing in a small black notebook.

_Dear Journal,_ he _wrote_. _Today, I saw Ryo out fishing and I began to run as fast as I could before she could see me! But it was too late! She saw me and started chasing me! I ran through the seaside shack, the paopu island, even to the secret place, but that's where she got me and then started kissing me all over my face!! GROSS!_

He closed the book, put it under his mattress, and sighed. "No one will ever read this." he said, feeling a sense of security.

_Online: Writing a Journal._

Once again, Riku was lying on his stomach, on his bed and writing in the same black book.

_Dear Journal,_ he _wrote_. _Today, I saw Ryo out fishing and I began to run as fast as I could before she could see me! But it was too late! She saw me and started chasing me! I ran through the seaside shack, the paopu island, even to the secret place, but that's where she got me and then started kissing me all over my face!! GROSS!_

Then, he got off the bed, went downstairs, went outside, and held up his opened book.

"HEY EVERYBODY! READ MY JOURNAL ENTRY!!" he yelled at the top of his lungs.

Hurky and Kairi walked up to Riku and read the journal entry.

"Well, I think Ryo's gonna be going crazy once she reads this!" said Kairi with a snicker.

_Real Life: Checking mail_

Riku was standing outside of his house, checking through the mail that the mailman had dropped into the mailbox. Riku was sorting through the mail.

"Bills, bills...junk mail..." he mumbled, shuffling through the envelopes and flyers for what was going to be on sale in the supermarket until he saw a glossy paper with colorful pictures of Mexican food. "Hey! A flyer for Y Que Mas!! Ooh! And it has a coupon! 'Buy one burrito and get one free!!'"

He gleefully ran into his house, put the rest of the mail on the coffee table, got out a pair of scissors, cut the coupon, went back outside, got in his car, and drove to Y Que Mas, which was a Mexican restaurant. There are several chains thoughout the universe. It was formerly known as El Crazy Loco Burrito, but someone bought it and changed the name to Y Que Mas **(Hurky: If you speak Spanish and know what it means and have read the Dude Where's stories where they order from the restaurant, you'll know what it means. Thanks for the translation, Alexa!).**

_Online Life: Checking mail_

Riku was once again in the same setting, shuffling through envelopes.

"Spam...spam..." said Riku as he tossed letters from companies wanting Riku to buy their products. "What the-? '_You're fat!! The only solution to your weight problem is to buy our product now, Fatty!!'_ Hell no! _'Hi, I am royalty from Bjhssgoijhkfoiajfmk! Send me munny if you want to be named my apprentice...'_ Peh. In your dreams. _'Hey baby, looking for someone in your world to hook up with? Try our site and we'll give you a laptop!'_ What am I to these people? A loner? I already have Ryo chasing me, that's enough as it is. _'Want whiter teeth? Click here!'_ No thanks, I already have pearly whites!" He grinned, flashing his shiny white teeth.

Suddenly, a random guy with shaggy brown hair, glasses, wearing a suit and tie came up to Riku. "Uh, hi. Are you Riku Thompson?" he asked in a nervous sounding voice.

"Yes I am," replied Riku.

The guy took a deep breath. "CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ARE THE 1 BILLIONTH VISITOR TO OUR SITE TODAY! CLICK HERE TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE!" he yelled a the top of his lungs and holding out a button in his hand saying, _Click Here!_

Riku shook his head. "Tsk tsk tsk. You spammers never learn." he said. He got out a trash can and went to the guy and gave him a wedgie. Then, he picked the guy up and tossed him in the trash can. The closed the lid and dusted his hands off. "Besides, I don't recall going on your site at all."

Back on the show, everyone was applauding and Riku was laughing. "Man, that was the fun part." he said when the applause stopped. "Throwing someone in a trash can!"

"Riku!" yelled a voice.

Riku turned to his left and saw Sora frantically running up to him with a laptop in his hands. He reached Riku and set the laptop down on a nearby table.

"What's up, Sora?" asked Riku.

"You're not going to like what you're about to see!" Sora said in a panicky voice as he clicked on his web browser, typed in a search engine, clicked images, and typed in _Sora and Riku_.

"Uh, you're going to show me pics of us in our best hero poses?" Riku asked, feeling annoyed that Sora was wasting his time to show him something he's probably seen before.

Sora snorted. "No, this is different." he said. He got his results and showed Riku the pages. Riku couldn't believe what he saw.

"OMFG!!" he cried, shielding his eyes. "CLOSE THE WINDOW!"

The audience was confused. Some talked to each other. Others shifted uncomfortably in their seats, while more people scratched their heads in confusion.

Sora quickly hit the close button, but then the screen froze up and was taking forever to close!

Kairi walked onto the stage and shook her head in disbelief. "They should be glad that I didn't show those steamy yaoi pics we found!" she said.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" cried both Sora and Riku at the same time. Apparently, they heard what Kairi had said.

"I said steamy yaoi pics!" Kairi repeated, but this time, she yelled it.

"THAT IS THE LAST STRAW!" cried Riku. "I'm going to go disconnect the internet for good! It's ruined our lives!"

"No way!" cried Hurky. "It's made my life better! It's given me stuff to do when I'm bored! And look at all the friends I made!"

A guy in the audience stood up. "She's right! I cheat on my homework with it!!" he yelled.

Everyone was silent. Crickets chirped. Someone else in the audience coughed.

"Uh, I guess you could say that," Hurky said slowly. "But Riku, you can't destroy the internet! What do you think people are using to read this?"

Riku thought for a minute. "Hmm. She's right. People are online, reading this!" he said. Then, he came to realization. Nobody could read Mind of Riku without it. "Ah! Then I shall not destroy the internet! Well then, that's all I have for my show today! Hurky hopes to write a better chapter with some better ideas. Sorry if this chapter sucked! Thanks for reading!"


End file.
